Dorkus Malorkus
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "mdorkus" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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10:48 pm
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toddler translator
Melanie's been picking up some interesting vocabulary from daycare recently. By now we're used to her telling us "you're poopie!". The last week or so she's been telling us things like "I'm a good guy! Mommy's a bad guy!" Finally today she told me "Daddy's a super-fighter".......
Also, magical is apparently a synonym for sparkly. As in, "These stickers are VERY magical!"
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11:03 pm
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crazy wife's web of lies
Looking for apartments in Boston, LB and I have a deal-- she does the craigslist hunting and I do the footwork of visiting the places and choosing one or two, at which point she comes to give the final OK.
She somehow decided that using our real names on craigslist is a bad idea so she set up a fake email account using my real first name and a fake last name. I got a phone call from a broker she gave my number to while posing as me. He wanted to know what apartments the other brokers were showing us so we didn't waste his time double-dipping; I told him I totally understood and I'd email him the list (which actually, LB had). LB misunderstood and, using her fake email account that's supposed to be me, sent the broker back the list of apartments he himself had given us, which was useless.
So thanks to my wife's antics our broker thinks this person he's meeting in a few days named "Ian David" must be clinically retarded.
Current Mood:  cranky
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06:36 pm
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uh, actually its spelled "NUMB3RS"
Ran across this ad while looking for jobs for mathematicians:
Mathematician 'Numbers (TV Show) guy'
at perceptu in United States — Apr 05, 2009 |
Overview
do we really need to tell you what it takes to be our Mathematician 'Numbers (TV Show) Guy'?
e-mail: joinus@perceptu.com
Responsibilities
Responsible for:
Developing/Improving algorithms
Natural language analysis
Automatic structure
Search algorithms
Schema analysis/detection
Develop/Build Virtual Economy
More...
Experience
reference the above
Skills
must be the 'Numbers (TV Show) Guy ;)
Education
hmmm...you tell us. (MS/PhD?)
Compensation
let's talk.
e-mail: joinus@perceptu.com
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09:13 am
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2012, the all-30-rock republican primary
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12:27 pm
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Why my wife hates me
Mathematician is the #1 job based on combination of pay, hours, and work environment/stress. Physician ranked just below janitor.
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11:08 pm
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The Fastidious Baby
litlebanana is on call tonight. Melblogging duties will be filled in by mdorkus.
Lately Melanie's been really into cleanliness, which all in all is a good thing for a toddler to be into. Some examples from today:
- This morning litlebanana's robe had a small stain on it. Melanie accusingly pointed and yelled, "Mess!" I showed her that, in fact, her own shirt had a rather large food stain on it as well. Melanie insisted her shirt be changed immediately.
- While strapping her into her carseat Melanie informed me several times of the "mess!" some birds left on my car's window.
- This evening after eating frozen blueberries, Melanie accidentally made a purple stain on the dishwasher. Before I knew what had even happened, she ran into the living room, grabbed a tissue, came back, and wiped it clean.
I knew dressing her in all those baby mops would pay off someday.
Current Mood:  dirty
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01:04 pm
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My father the PUMA
My father just told me that Hillary shouldn't accept Secretary of State b/c it will make it much harder for her to run against Obama in 2012.
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04:52 pm
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Obama baby mamas
Lots of new babies named Barack, Obama, or Barack Obama. Also some Michelles.
   
Current Mood:  chipper
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03:19 pm
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mama voted for obama
ummm
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06:27 pm
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retro
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11:25 pm
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I'm calling it now
Sarah Palin will find an excuse not to show up to her debate next week.
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12:36 am
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Call me "Slicer Mission Palin"
The Sarah Palin baby name generator
Current Mood:  accomplished
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11:12 pm
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a big picture to mess up your friends list
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08:05 pm
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random baby photo
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06:22 pm
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saw Batman today
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11:39 pm
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John McCain-- feminist hero
Exhibit A: In 1998 at a Republican fund raiser John McCain told the following joke:"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno." Chelsea was a teenager at the time.
Exhibit B: While McCain was a POW in Vietnam his wife Carol (a former model) faithfully waited for his return. During this time she had a car accident and had to use crutches, and wasn't as hot anymore. McCain returned, with his own health problems from being tortured for several years, and promptly started cheating on his wife with younger women, finally deciding to divorce her for the rich, young, hot Cindy he's now married to (17 years younger than him).
Exhibit C: In 1992 after losing his temper he called his current wife Cindy a cunt in front of reporters.
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12:52 am
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trollup
this is based on a true story
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10:54 pm
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Left Behind
i'm reading through a liberal evangelical christian's ongoing scathing review of the left-behind series. every week he deconstructs a few pages of the book, so the review is long, but highly recommended. left behind is the insane fundamentalist belief that in the next few decades jesus will return and take good christians up to heaven and the antichrist will show up to torture everyone else and destroy the earth.
the book is marketed as a fictionalization of true biblical prophecies. it's sold millions of copies. based on the review it's also hilariously terrible in several different ways: filled with plot holes, misogyny, mysticism, antisemitism, and completely amoral heroes with names like buck, dirk, and steele.
some of my favorite parts of his review so far:
( Read more... )
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10:57 pm
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Calculus
Just finished proctoring the final exam for the calculus class I'm teaching this quarter. Per the honor code, we don't actually proctor so much as hang around nearby in our office, in case a student comes up with a question. Two hours into the test a girl from the class comes in the drop off her exam. She's nervously telling me how she thought she didn't do very well and was upset, so I suggested she take the remaining hour to try to improve her score. She gasps, her eyes wide with horror, as it suddenly dawns on her that it's a three hour test, not a two hour test. She hurries back to keep working.
With about ten minutes remaining the same girl comes by again.
her: Ok, I think I did everything I can but I still didn't do great on this test. Can you look it over and tell me how I did?
me: Well, it really depends on how the rest of the class does. Until all the grades are in I can't give you any real information.
her: Yeah but can you look it over and tell me what you think?
me: OK. Let's see.. [I go through her test and point out some mistakes she made here and there]. Well, I can't really tell you anything except that four students took the exam yesterday b/c of a scheduling conflict, and you did about average among them.
[she gasps, her eyes wide with horror]
her: I have a perfect homework grade and got [good grades] on my midterms. Do you think I can get an A in the class?
me: Well again I can't really say anything until I see how the rest of the class does. Four students isn't a representative sample.
her: Suppose I got average on this final what would my grade in the class be?
me: Uhh... I can't really say, I'd have to crunch the numbers.
(she looks expectantly at me)
me: ..maybe a B+ or A- ?
[she gasps, her eyes wide with horror]
me: Well, if you're on the borderline between two grades I'm willing to bump you up to the higher grade, since anyone can have one bad test. So if you're between a B+ and an A- I'll give you the A-.
her: And if I'm between A- and an A I get an A?
me: Uh.. yeah. [I have a hunch] Say, what major are you?
her: I'm a pre-med.
[hunch confirmed]
me: I understand. My wife is a doctor actually.
her: Oh really? Did she have trouble with calculus too?
me: Uh.. no. Actually she was really good in math. She was a math major in college. But, uh, she knows other doctors who had trouble with calculus.
her: Oh. So is it OK if I email you on Monday to find out my grade?
Current Mood:  drunk
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09:06 pm
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the next president of the united states
also compare to the competition:
Current Mood:  enthralled
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